The Pirates! Band of Misfits

Does anyone else remember when pirates were viewed as villains? I’m sure there are some who were/are nice people but the general act of pirating is illegal and often dangerous. Now with that reminder fresh in your mind, there is the animated satire The Pirates! Band of Misfits. The film follows a group of pirates who are uncool compared to the popular, successful pirates around them. Their leader, The Pirate Captain, dreams of winning the “Pirate of the Year Award” but his lack of “booty” holds him back. From there the film goes on a wild goose chase, which includes Charles Darwin, a pirate hating queen and a meeting of world leaders eating endangered species.

The plot is as ridiculous as it sounds, but the events are rooted with basic themes that are relatable to the young target audience. The pirates learn to be happy with who they are. Of course that doesn’t mean the woman pirate who wears a fake beard and pretends to be a man reveals her ways. But the overall gist of the movie is clear. Running under 90 minutes, it’s odd to say but the movie seems too long. In actuality the hi-jinks that occur aren’t always that compelling. This is the same issue I’ve run into when watching Chicken Run or Wallace and Gromit, two of the other features made by Aardman Animation.

Ultimately, The Pirates! Band of Misfits succeeds in being appropriate for all ages. The tension comes from an emotional basis and there is never a real threat of bodily harm. The film is a comedy that presents some unpredictable moments funny for young children, their older siblings and their parents. It’s quite likely that British viewers will get a few more laughs than us Americans. That’s just the nature of British comedy. They probably wonder what they’re missing when they watch Eddie Murphy movies. Sorry Eddie, I didn’t mean it. I actually really like Dr. Doolittle.

Each film earns either zero, a half or a full arrow in five categories. The categories are Acting, Writing/Directing, Emotion, Innovation and Overall Impression. The arrows are added up to equal the full score.

Safe

Safe is like Rush Hour with no jokes and a more depressing protagonist. Jason Statham stars as an ex super-cop who saves a young girl from dueling mafias, who both want the child for her genius math skills and knowledge of an important code. But it turns out the Russian half of this feud killed Statham’s character’s pregnant wife. So he has some added incentive here. From what looks like a completely generic action film, there are some exciting moments. Statham knows his way around a script like this. So even though this doesn’t come close to his best films, he is an asset to the film. Without him, it probably goes straight to DVD.

Jason Statham is usually good, so that’s no surprise. The problem is that the character isn’t very likeable. He does the right thing in helping the girl and the audience learns that he is an unwavering public servant. But the frosty demeanor is laid on thick. Safe is also heavy on the excessive property damage. What has become a cliché in action is amplified in a low budget project like this. Large scale gang warfare on the streets of New York would be met with a lot more than a group of crooked cops showing up to get their share of the loot. I think civilian hostages tend to force a swift response.

Let’s get beyond the logistical concerns with a conflict like this. At the end of the day, Safe doesn’t have the unique elements to make it popular or a film that will hold up after its time in theaters. File it in the constantly growing catalog of Jason Statham movies that are forgotten until you look him up on IMDB. But know this, in a war between the Russian and Chinese mafias, Jason Statham always wins.

Each film earns either zero, a half or a full arrow in five categories. The categories are Acting, Writing/Directing, Emotion, Innovation and Overall Impression. The arrows are added up to equal the full score.

The Lucky One

While Nicholas Sparks books and movies have a very specific audience, The Lucky One took advantage of a more demographically diverse look than most of the predecessors. With that being said, it’s still the same Nicholas Sparks, just this one has a kind of bad ass ex-marine and isn’t in North Carolina. Integrating back into society after returning from war in the Middle East, Logan, played by Zac Efron, sets out to find a woman (Taylor Schilling) whose photograph he found in the rubble of a battle. Viewing the photo as a good luck charm, he hopes to thank her. But then he can’t find the right words, accepts a job at her dog kennel and quickly falls in love with her.

The acting in the film is pretty middle of the road. Zac Efron’s likability helps develop the character that could very easily come off as disturbed and unpleasant. When conflicts arise with Schilling’s character’s ex-husband/father of her child, the scenes maintain a level of realism that isn’t expected. Isn’t the good guy always supposed to deck the bad guy in romance movies? It didn’t happen here, just like it wouldn’t in real life. That is until the film’s watery climax. That is completely unbelievable and dramatized. Oh well.

The Lucky One is not some completely unique spin on the romance genre. It has the cheesy lines. “You should be kissed every day, every hour, every minute.” Come on, that’s just an impractical amount of kissing. But the story moves along well and engages the audience. It would be nice to have something innovative thrown in there, but ultimately the film stands fine on its own. Plus, it isn’t an overtly depressing experience like some of the other recent players in the genre. I’m looking at you The Vow. That counts for something.

Each film earns either zero, a half or a full arrow in five categories. The categories are Acting, Writing/Directing, Emotion, Innovation and Overall Impression. The arrows are added up to equal the full score.

Wrath of the Titans

Wrath of the Titans was a big question mark. Its predecessor, the critically bashed, big money grossing remake, Clash of the Titans was much of the same. But in this second chapter, the film stays consistent with the positives and negatives of its predecessor. Sam Worthington returns as Perseus, the half human son of Zeus (Liam Neeson), who attempts to save his father from Hades (Ralph Fiennes) and his brother Ares (Edgar Ramirez). Zeus was captured in order to drain his power to free the evil titan, Kronos. Kronos will of course destroy the world if he escapes.

The necessity for a full back story isn’t there because of Wrath’s status as a sequel. However, there should be a bit of a buildup in order to develop the story. In fact, that can sum up the main issue with the entire film, lack of development on the part of Perseus as well as the overall plot. But before you go and cause a big uproar about how “bad” of a movie it is, there are some bright spots. Extended screen time for Zeus and Hades means more of the Oscar nominated actors playing them. These obviously aren’t their best performances, but they still make the segments with the gods interesting.

Wrath of the Titans duplicates the moments that prove most successful in its predecessor by slightly changing situations and what mythical creature is getting beat up. The action is strong with very involved visual effects. But with the intention of increasing the scale of the movie, some scenes come off as cartoony. Kronos is too large, the armies too massive and an underdog story turns into something more fitting for a video game. So with all these problems, is it strange that I actually really liked the movie? No, it’s meant to be entertaining after all.

Each film earns either zero, a half or a full arrow in five categories. The categories are Acting, Writing/Directing, Emotion, Innovation and Overall Impression. The arrows are added up to equal the full score.

American Reunion

It was kind of implied that American Wedding was the conclusion to the American Pie series, but American Reunion brings the group back together to attend their high school reunion. The plot doesn’t really go much deeper than that. They’re still perverted, ridiculous antics ensue and somehow Eugene Levy is in the middle of them. The cast is obviously so used to these characters and how to play them, they come across as better actors than they probably are.

Reunion maintains a theme of revisiting the 90s, since they were the class of ’99. Music from the 90s is used at their 90s themed reunion. But more subtly, the film maintains the feeling of that era’s comedy. The raunchy episodes resolved with touching moments have a very nostalgic feel to them. It is quite a feat that such awkward moments and stupid situations occur while maintaining the audience’s sympathy.

All the main characters develop enough to give the movie a purpose, but none of the arcs develop the characters very much. Maybe Sean William Scott’s, Stifler, who seems to finally figure out why people find him so annoying. The other stand out is Chris Klein, who does mope around a lot, but he shows that Oz belongs in the franchise after being left out of the previous film.

American Reunion runs a bit long and plays on some tired gags, but fans of the originals will enjoy the film. Smaller roles return with cameos throughout and loose ends more than ten years in the making are finally tied up. The trip down memory lane is fun, though it would be nice to see some new concepts thrown in there. The movie ends with the viewer hoping for another sequel, but I don’t really see that happening successfully.

Each film earns either zero, a half or a full arrow in five categories. The categories are Acting, Writing/Directing, Emotion, Innovation and Overall Impression. The arrows are added up to equal the full score.

Mirror Mirror

The Snow White wars have begun with the more family friendly of the two films starring the fairy tale heroine coming out this spring. Mirror Mirror has Snow White (Lilly Collins) growing tired of the Queen’s (Julia Roberts) oppressive rule. While venturing out of the castle for the first time (ever, apparently), she encounters a traveling prince (Armie Hammer) as well as a band of thieving dwarves. She becomes allies with all of them while attempting to remove the Queen from the throne.

The film attempts to be a new spin on the classic story, but there are times where it just feels tired. The dialogue is often witty, which helps move the film along. However, the lack of diversity with sets, that begin with computer generated establishing shots and move to one of only a handful of sets, weakens the scale of what is meant to be a large movie. The film is well cast though, with Nathan Lane fitting his role as the queen’s assistant perfectly and all of the dwarves shining as their characters are surprisingly each developed to a certain extent. Roberts and Hammer are as advertised and I can’t really complain about Collins either.

The problem is that this slightly different spin doesn’t add any depth to the fairytale. Aspects like the poison apple are thrown in for nostalgia’s sake and a song and dance number during the closing credits seems woefully out of place. Young audiences likely enjoy the fun story equipped with name-calling and an evil dragon like thing. The movie actually succeeds at what it is trying to do, be a fun family adventure. It just can’t objectively be called innovative in any way, shape or form. That wouldn’t be an issue if the advertising hadn’t focused on this being a fresh take. At the end of the day, kids will laugh, adults may chuckle…maybe.

Each film earns either zero, a half or a full arrow in five categories. The categories are Acting, Writing/Directing, Emotion, Innovation and Overall Impression. The arrows are added up to equal the full score.